Surface Level

So I overanalyze things. Anyone that knows me knows this.

I have gotten better at the reaction I direct to others in accordance to the over analyzing however. Given sometimes my moments aren't perfection. Two weeks ago I smacked a guy for calling me something that wasn't respectful, although everyone else said he deserved it I find my behavior shameful and rude. Reflecting back on it who knows if I would have smacked him again.

What triggers people to suck up, jump off the deep end or slink away into the corner? Is it the environment we as people have set up for certain behaviors and thought processes to be considered overbearing, misused or flat out not necessary or is it a personal thing?

I complicate things a lot, without meaning too. Surface level speaking I'm not complicated. I can talk a lot or not at all. I can be pretty smart about some things and idiotic in other areas. I can get into that zone that it sounds like you're talking to a guy in terms of Boston baseball or college bball just as easily as I'm probably to girly for you as I'm convinced angels sing in shoe stores. This is really all pretty simplistic.

Its afterwards, when you have more then a 20 minute conversation with me that people realize there is probably more to me. I used to try to maintain I was, but …I'm not. I can't help it. I can't change that fact that something will come out of my mouth in a form of observation that surprises you. I can't help that I pay attention. I can't help that it bothers you that I can figure you out. Most times I don't think it's I've figured a person out, I think its someone simply took the time to notice you.

I've discovered you can be very very wrong about a person and the perception you have of them but that fact that you took the time to attempt it means more at times given you didn't misconstrue them to be some psychotic killer or anything. I'm wrong a lot, I say things I shouldn't, I freak out about lots of things and I can be OCD about an array of tasks.

But at the end of the day, I think we are all so much more alike that we realize. We all can stare at the mirror and think "hmm that needs some work", we all have tripped, we all have laughed, we all have become saddened when that person's hand no longer fit with our own and we all have hoped that the one we care for can't stop thinking about us as well.

What I don't get is why we all seem too scared to be complicated because the truth is I can't be simple. I've tried. It didn't suit me. Who wants to be surface level anyway?