Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I'm learning you sometimes have to walk around with two left feet before you figure anything out.

Circle after circle, trip over stumble, stares and whispers.

I find it refreshingly ironic however that when it is all said and done, I am the one with the final smirk on my face. I can't help but be consumed in my little bubble full of daydreams.

The peace of solitude becomes a time that can drive a person literally crazy or expose parts of ones self that exemplifies who they are in beautiful shades of anger, sadness and happiness.

With shades of anger I bruised my knuckles and won twenty bucks in poker.

With shades of sadness I exposed mascara ridden tears to some I barely know.

With shades of happiness I felt the breeze of the coming summer and the endorphins of calm set in.

I find that it will never matter how many people you try to decipher it with, how many text messages sent or how many scenarios go through your head…when a situation has ended it doesn't end in your heart until you choose to let it. Whether angry, sad, or happy the only one that has the capability to hold on to that specific emotion is you.

Along with the shades…I have also found that feeling transparent can really put some things in perspective.

You have to figure everyone a few times in life feels this way. Without it I guess you wouldn't question your path, your surroundings and what makes all of it up.

All I know is I happen to like my shades.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

You can't wait your whole life just waiting

Continue praying, keeping alert and always thanking God – Colossians 4:2

I currently feel a lack of motivation toward future goals. This is a new feeling to me. I have always had some form of plan packed inside the web of thoughts. I am at a stand still. I know the goal, I see it but that whole how do you get there concept keeps smacking me in the face.

I suppose what it comes down to is fear. It's the age old "you won't know till you try"

Who even said that?

I am in a rut but it's a comfy rut nonetheless causing my lack of motivation to be seemingly acceptable. That makes me cringe. It makes me harder on myself than probably needed and thus trying to convince myself that 'oh just a little longer, wait it out' should suffice. Well that's just stupid. You can wait your whole life…just waiting.

I spent my last months in Fl worrying/caring about people near and dear to my heart, I spent the first year at home doing the same thing. I do feel my time is now. It took me about five months to realize this but the feelings/emotions/situations I managed to get myself into… opened it up for me.
It's just life.

I am who I am and that's enough for some people and not for others. Deal with it.

If some things don't work out how you wanted then that's okay.

If you screw something up, fix it or stop whining about it and move on.

Just because you put effort into something, don't expect those results from others.

Your actions can truly come back two fold, so be kind. (it beats the situations I have observed lately)

A beautiful heart shared some kind words with me the other day in regard to what you see in a person when you look them straight in the eye. She reminded me of some things and I thank her for that.

I guess the only thing left to do…

Is just do.