Thursday, February 15, 2007


What makes a person undeserving of God's love? From what I have understood, it is nothing. Nothing can make Him stop loving you. He can be disappointed in you, He can hope you make a better decision next time around but all in all, He can in fact never stop loving you.

Why as people we don't have that same urge? Why are there hurdles one must jump, technicalities that hinder a choice and scars that are too ugly to overlook?

I wouldn't view myself as someone that follows the notion of religion but more of a personal relationship with God. I love Jesus, Jesus loves me. I try everyday to be that way. I falter, a lot in how I should be living. I spent a good majority of my college life surrounded by those that call themselves Christians. Along the way I met some wonderful warm hearted people as well as those I will never understand. Those that when something 'taboo' occurs are quick to point out the fault, it is those that remind me why the rest of the world would rather believe in nothing at all.

To this day some still don't talk to me. I used to care. It used to bother me that those I thought I wanted to be like as an 'example' didn't accept me. I realize now it wasn't me. I have friends and loved ones from so many walks of life that I completely adore. I find myself so inquisitive about their experiences, their backgrounds, their thoughts and their faults. If I were to bring these people into the world I knew for three years I have to wonder what these 'examples' would think.

My heart hurts for those that wish they could be different in order to feel acceptance where they once used too. I hope they can see how beautiful they are. I hope they can find the courage to stand on their own two feet and I hope fear does not overcome them causing them to stumble.

I have learned that I will almost always be kind to those that walk in my path even when they are not kind back. It's an annoying 'flaw' I have fought with for a while, I cannot help myself. Even if for a moment I win that fight and I'm able to appear obnoxious, I feel bad and have the need to apologize. I wasn't always like this; all I can figure it is came with growth and that prayer to become a better person. God is tricky sometimes.

So what really makes a person undeserving of love? What makes you so much better then them? What makes you less 'sinful'? What makes you more apt to receive goodness in your life?


So next time you choose to make someone feel worthless cause you don't agree with their scars, their choices or their beliefs, take the time to picture yourself there. I hope you are lucky enough to have someone staring back at you and smiling, not that you deserve it. But that's the thing…

...none of us deserve it. We are blessed to receive it anyway, extend it to someone else

Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Urban Outfitters

So anyone that knows me, knows that I'm an online shopping addict. I'm not talking about a shirt here, a baseball cap there. No no my friends, I'm talking over 50% of my closet and surrounding objects throughout the house.
Which leads me to my little story…it's not unusual to have a package for me at the door; if you have lived with me you know this. So as of today I was expecting a package from Urban Outfitters that contained some frames and a mirror. I checked the UPS tracking today….it was to arrive.
I noticed it wasn't on the table or outside today and thought 'hmm where is my package?"

I'm on the phone chit chatting away and I hear a thump outside…so I peer out the peephole and the UPS man is walking away, I open the door and he says "do you want me to bring that inside? The bottom is about to fall out, it's been falling apart all day" I say yes and he brings it inside.

The box is pretty mangled and falling apart and I'm opening it while still talking on the phone and I'm thinking 'gosh whatever this box as been through, I hope none of my stuff is broken' and as I move the air bubbly packages out of the way I see my frames and a box with my mirror…BUT….

As I take a longer look I see boxes that shouldn't be there. Hmm what are they? Eight boxes total…..

I pick one box up and low and behold…..they are centerfire pistol cartridges. A quick add up….yes folks I have just been given 400 bullets. What the !?!
I promptly flipped the box over and saw my Urban Outfitters address was intact.

One box had opened up and there were lose bullets rolling around the bottom of the box, so after placing those back….I'm the proud owner of 397 bullets, for a 45.

Who knew Urban Outfitters sold bullets.