Friday, September 19, 2008


I usually write to dispense pain. I find I lack that lately for the most part and in a strange way I feel like I lost a part of myself. Perhaps this is simply because I have the ability to relate to pain, sadness and dark better then explaining happiness.

Jordan gets it; she's dark and twisty like me.

Darkness has been fading daily; however it crept back in last week for a moment. A moment of sheer brokenness. I never knew I could feel that way, I thought I had, but not like that evening. I find since then I'm still slightly fading in and out of dark and light.

I had been in light for so long, although the dark and brokenness is familiar territory I fell further. I figure this is due to knowing light more strongly, more passionately and more consuming that I ever have.

I had lost that emptiness, it was null in void and filled with assurance, trust and confidence. I had been so blessed to have lost that part. Then the thought occurred to me that you never really lose any part of yourself, another side just shines brighter.

I figure you need all that dark and twisty stuff, that whole concept of 'you wouldn't know what good was unless you know what bad was'. The only downside to that is you get darker if by chance that has to occur. One has to hope that you can get lighter afterwards.

Eh, either way I figure its okay.
"The Light shines through the darkness and the darkness can never extinguish it." John 1:5