Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Just Do It

How do you fill a void that has been empty for so long? One that only became a hindrance when someone came along and began to fill it. How do you accept it?

I'm learning everyday that sometimes you have to just take it as it is. A "just do it", a "Geronimo", or a "here goes nothing" of sorts. That not everything is going to make it cave in, that sometimes simply being yourself, is enough.

I'm still often walking around with two left feet, have an "I suck at life" day and at times wish I was six so I could throw a temper tantrum. With all of this I'm learning to accept the warmth that comes when another embraces me, usually only after I freak out about it though. Sorry, I'm working on this.

I'm daydreaming more then ever these days. Perhaps this is where my lack of motivation for many things is coming into play. A glassy eyed bubble that breaks when the office phone rings or I get called on in class. I fear this constant daydreaming is my tool to keep from facing reality.

Usually I'm pretty steady in that fact. Embrace life, headstrong and ready to push through. For the first time in my life, I find that I want to know another's opinion before I get there…

I've been feeling God a lot lately. I'm convinced more then ever that He truly makes Himself even more present when you feel lost or scared. He shines through the stillness, glistens with the rain and embraces me with a hug of one that calms my heart.

The void lessens.