Sunday, July 16, 2006


Patience has eluded me once again. If it is one thing I have to learn it is not to fast forward the particulars. I have the uncanny ability to come off as brash, harming an already battered ego. I can only hope that with retribution I also have the ability to hold a soul for safe keeping at the proper moment.

I'm convinced that my favorite piece of instrumental music is what love feels like. Since I have nothing concrete to compare it to in human form I protect this vision and hold it tightly. It's the only moment in time where I can close my eyes and get lost in the nothingness of everything. Although this is the most beautiful experience my heart knows these days I find sadness creeping in. Tainting and tarnishing the effects. Reality defies itself more quickly after the last note is played.

I suppose this is due to wanting it to be tangible, not a melodic sequence played to a hypothetical life inside my dreams. The gliding of notes becoming a safe and familiar hug. The forte of sounds becoming an array of physical emotions bursting forth. The resonance of the finale becoming a burning look branding my heart.

Until I experience this first hand I will continue to close my eyes and fight the reality. Fading further and further into Gods grace. The grace to allow me to dream.

Friday, July 14, 2006


I have been blessed enough to experience Gods beauty in terms of man- made structures turned into Sin City, natural formations that take your breath away and human interaction at its closest all in one week. When you view a natural wonder of the world, grasping the fact that it has been there for millions and millions of years puts human existence into a nanosecond time frame.

With that being said I simply hope that I can make my nanosecond existence full of impact, bursting with emotion that tears at the seams of life. Not showering for a few days, having constant goose bumps, the freak sand storm and the various scratches and wounds leave me with the notion that we are here for such a small amount of time and the particulars won't matter in the next brief moment.

Viewing the night sky in the depths of surrounding canyons with the only noise being rushing water is by far one of Gods biggest and most magnificent beauties that cannot be expressed even by the best writers, artists or musicians. Playing in the rain comes in second of course.

Water cutting through rocks thus making such intricate exquisiteness and perfection leaves me in awe as to why I can't manage to accomplish an array of simple tasks. Course I don't have a million years or the uncontrollable force of nature.

God leaves me breathless often but this past week has reaffirmed a faith that anything is possible thus the yearning to make a feeble attempt at living my nanosecond life like rushing water with no holds barred.