Tuesday, October 9, 2007


I find out more and more each day how God has molded me into someone that sees the broken and can't help but want to reach out.

I also find out more and more each day that no matter what you do,
Sometimes it's not enough.
Sometimes they will betray you anyway,
Sometimes you saw something deeper when they didn't,
Sometimes they simply don't want it bad enough.

Perhaps this is due to the fact that my heart isn't filled with that lost puppy need to be loved feeling. I know what love is. I feel it daily. How blessed I am. My heart breaks for those that think they need the over the top spectacles in order to have someone notice them.

From my family when my mom texts me after night class to make sure I got home safely.

To my boyfriend when he leaves me flowers to wish me good luck.

And the sunshine God grants that blinds me when I stay up too late.

Those moments are worth more then choosing what you think you want when in reality you end up hurting another that saw you completely and loved you anyway.

When do you let go? Cut your losses and wish them the best?

I'm humbled by the people that have hurt me but continue to remember me down the line. It makes me feel that perhaps I did something right along the way, whether they saw it at the time or not. I take pride in the fact that it doesn't taint me so deeply it never heals.

I live on about 5 hours of sleep a night, I have trouble saying 'I need help', I still haven't perfected cooking whatsoever, I'm bossy, I have been let down by those I gave the benefit of the doubt….

My life is absolutely beautiful. I find that these dramatics don't matter. I find that seeing a smile I long to see all day long at the end of the day makes up for all of it.