Ode to 2010

So 2010 is coming to a close. I usually make an entry about the year in full. Clever one liners that wrap up January, February, March, you get the picture. I'm going to go with:

Dear 2010:


You were one emotional year. You gave me a new office, a new job, knocked me back down to a single no plus one, a clean bill of health, one fantastic birthday shindig, a fun Halloween costume, and a REAL Christmas tree. I had a love/hate relationship with you. This may hurt your feelings, but you will not be missed.


Love, Me.

So with that being said I don't really want to spend any more time on low dips of the rollercoaster that was 2010. I'll give some shout outs to the highs however:

- I really do have the best family ever. They pack stuff up for me, they buy me hot chocolate, they spoil my pets, they understand the 'awesomeness'. I'm not spoiled people, I'm Loved. I don't recommend jealously, but I can see how you would be.

- I'm also blessed to have the most amazing best friend ever. 12 hours drives with one phone call. I did well when I picked my person 16+ years ago.

- Now I've already mentioned my family but I feel this scenario deserves its own section. The Chair v. Jeremy at Kilkenny's. This will go down in history as one of the top five funniest moments I've ever witnessed.

- My Rum Birthday Party, was this party made specifically for my birthday.....no, did I decide it was made FOR me. Yes. Yes I did. You know it's been a good night when you're allowed going to duct tape symbols on the window on the car ride home.

- Hair Fashion Show After Party. You have people dressed up as bugs, you have a pair of pretty sweet boots on and once again it's been a good night when I end up on the dance floor.

- I fell into a groove with some good girlfriends. They saved me this year.

- A real Christmas tree complete with childhood ornaments, lambic beer (oh yeah I discovered that this year too), and family conversation around the fireplace.

- Academic honors. Boo yah.

- Recent but still deserving a section, record player night. Stevie Nicks and dance moves on video has made my day every time I watch it over.

So there you have it. A few snapshots of 2010. There were probably many more and even writing this I can think of them but I have to stop somewhere. All I know is that my heart is in a good place and for that I am extremely blessed and thankful. Every day I feel more like me again which I wasn't sure when that was going to happen, with that being said this is the portion where I thank: My parents, my bubba, Jordan, Kristen, Gayle, Darlene, Andy, Justin S., Pandora radio, Mac and cheese, my Nook, the Boston Red Sox, movie theaters, heels, my treadmill, my iPod, and the Big Man upstairs.

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us"
~ Joseph Campbell

Flicker

“The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy.”
I don’t want to be an avid believer of a quote taken from A) a fictional character that turned her own hair a different color or B) such a bold statement.

However….I find this to be truth. At least for now.

When I was a little girl I lied about the most ridiculous things and if memory serves, the lies were 100% of the time so I would not get in trouble by my parents. This was a lesson I didn’t learn quickly because I had many experiences just like Ralphie with a bar of soap in my mouth. I was a horrible liar I might mention, I lied about things that clearly didn’t happen on their own. As much as I would like to convince the world that Barbie has the ability to cut her own hair, last time I checked she is made of plastic. As I got older I became to realize chances are I would not have gotten in trouble for giving Barbie a trim, why I was getting the Dove treatment was because I lied about it. I never however lied about things that really would change the course of the day, a relationship, or loss in faith of the opposite sex.

I find the more people I come in contact with, the less there are that are truly honest. Sure I’ve called into work when I wasn’t really sick. I’ve probably even choked down a meal and claimed it tasted good. But I cannot say that I have ever gained a persons trust only for them to find out something about me that changed their view of me and made them question if I was a worthy ally.

This betrayal stings more now after my lesson of blinded love. Blinded love filled with lies that I pray every night I will one day recover from. It’s in those moments that you want to lean on those around you, so it becomes salt in the wound when you finally do and you find they too, lie. That someone who somehow helped bring you back from the black hole of heartbreak and simply feel life again has hurt you. It feels like the rope you were climbing up, snapped. That as you fly backwards like Alice in Wonderland down the rabbit hole you think “where the hell am I gonna get up enough energy to pull myself up this time?”

All I can figure is that you cannot rely on anyone else. Course that is the frustrating part, I wasn’t trying to do that to begin with, it just happened and I find as I brush the dust off from the crash of a snapped rope, I am out energy right now to try to climb again.

Good thing God can find you in darkness or in light, cause right now, my light is flickering.