Focus

How you can lose it before you realize it's gone. Laziness, a good looking guy, or fear overpowers the picture in your head.

Over the years independence has definitely been something that has molded my decisions, choices and paths in life. But I have to admit having fewer and fewer cheerleaders on the sidelines make it more difficult to be focused on things you once only dreamed about.

I've developed this sense of thin film around myself that constantly states "everything will be okay" and I can't help but believe this most of the time. I don't cry a lot. I don't express emotions how I think I'm suppose to sometimes.

I don't know if this is a malfunction I developed through growing up given whatever circumstances. Along the road I developed the ability to understand emotions, pinpoint a root; I suppose it's simply the expression part I got confused about.

Whatever it is, I find currently the lack of focus. Adapting into a period of life that in my head I know isn't for me forever but for this moment it places on hold my focus. I do not know if this is a positive or negative thing or it's deemed to be either or. Perhaps it simply is. A fleeting collection of moments that with time will come full circle and I will be back on the road I think I'm suppose to be taking.

I feel it. It nudges me more often. I see it in a face. I yearn for that force.

Perhaps how much I hate to admit it….
No matter how focused, no matter how independent, even I need someone close to me to notice and encourage a little pep talk.